Interview with the first gentleman Essay

MANILA -My news editor asked me to interview the husband of the highest official of the land, Mr. Miguel Mike Arroyo. On the sidereal day ap psycheed, I was whisked in to the Malacanang palace, where after the formalities, i. e. , being frisked by presidential guards in combat fatigues, I was shown in to the Philippines equivalent of the Oval Office. Mr. Arroyo rose to shake my hand. He was not tall, but immense, very fat, and had a bored air about him. With him was an old man wearing glasses, who introduced himself as Jess Santos, a lawyer and the First mans spokes someone. The interview went on as followsQ I hear youve been busy these days, filing libel cases against some journalists. Jess Yes, that is correct. You know these newspaper guys, theyre a unhinge in the ass. Always noisy. But of course you cant help it. We live in a democracy, and the Philippines is the most democratic in Asia. I expect youll agree. But when they attack the First Gentleman, using all kinds of defama tory imputation, using the media to spread these lies and calumniate and slur him so as to blemish his clean and chaste reputation, he has to fight back. And theres nothing wrong in using the courts to seek justice. (The First Gentleman nods gravely.)Q Are there any truths to these alleged(prenominal) lies against the First Gentleman? Jess Oh, no None at all. This allegation about unexplained wealth, its absurd. It isnt wrong to be rich, you know. But the main point here, which you must not miss, and should be emphasized in your column or whatever, is that Mr. Arroyo is a gentleman. I mean, a gentleman in the real sense of the word. You get intot see a gentleman everyday, do you? He is very dignified, punctilious of detect, the epitome of chivalry, gallantry, and respect. (The First Gentleman nods, dozing off. ) Q Is it true he d ard the lawyer of a defendant to a fistfight in court?(The First Gentleman opens his eyes, looks at me, but says nothing. ) Jess Well, you know how it is with honorable men deal the First Gentleman. They are very sensitive when their honor is brought to ridicule. And in order to preserve his honor and integrity, it is but normal for the First Gentleman to defend in his defense by calling the offending party to a fight, which shows that the First Gentleman is not a pushover, nor is he a weakling, but a chivalrous man like the knights of old who were not afraid to do battle to defend their honor. Q I see. What about his rumored liaison with a pretty woman, allegedly his secretary?Jess (assuming a hurt expression) ravish, please, do not dignify such baseless, malicious accusations. The First Gentleman would never enter into an unchaste relationship with a woman other than his wife, the President, because a true gentleman impart never entertain any immoral thought, much more an illicit affair with a woman. (The First Gentleman looks at the ceiling as if remembering something. ) Q According to a columnist, the First Gentleman stay ed in a $20,000 suite at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas when he went there to watch the fight between your Manny Pacquiao and Erik Morales.Jess That is not true. I doubt if you can find such a room in Las Vegas. And even if he did, the expenses may have been paid by friends. You know the First Gentleman, he has friends from high places. Q Well, I admit I dont know him that much. And I notice he isnt saying anything. Can I interview him? Jess Oh, sure. Theres nothing to worry about him. He is the perfect gentleman. Q Well, sir, could you react to the accusation that you have a secret bank account in Germany? FG (unsmiling)Who told you that? Q Well, its on the papers, sir.Just trying to get your reaction firsthand. FG Well, um, its a lot of shit, I mean, whoever wrote that article is an asshole, I mean, he must be an enemy of the state to say such matters. Why, I know, being the First Gentleman, that there are continuing threats to our national security. Q I also hear this issue was brou ght up by a certain Congressman Cayetano who is now running for Senator. And this person has challenged you to issue a waiver so that he could prove whos telling the truth. FG (scowling). The worthless scumbag Scoundrel Bloody foolPardon me, but I cant help myself. You see, this person has been using his parliamentary immunity to attack me at every turn. Im sick of him. But I wont be dragged into this controversy. Q He also says you brought 50 million pesos in a helicopter in Mindanao to buy votes in the last choice where your wife won as President. FG That is a lie Dont believe the goddam son of a gun Q And he has just issued a public statement that he is daring you to engage him in a debate at Plaza Miranda to show who is telling the truth. FG The nerve I will not stoop down to his level.If he wants, I challenge him to a fistfight (rolls up his sleeves). Q He also says you are crook and a prevaricator and an adulterer. FG (roaring). He said that? Tell him to just wait. Tomorrow Ill file twenty counts of libel against him.I have fifty lawyers to work on that. Jess flat there, there, please dont get excited. A gentleman is never riled up. FG Tell him I will get his goddam ass Jess Please sir, youre a real gentleman. FG I know that, I know. And Ill prove to the =* guy that Im a *&%4 man of honor (end of interview).